Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Xtian On Music 2

Answer me this. Do you have to be a musician to make music?
Well let me ask you another question. Is Britney Spears a musician?

I know you all cringed a little bit when I asked that. Because you don't want to say she is a musician, (Unless you like her, then in that case get off this page.) but because you answered yes to my first questions and therefore you know that the answer to question two is yes. Unless you're being a smart ass and smugly saying, "That's not music! That's shit!"

So because of this I propose that we have a new word, because I find it insulting that Britney Spears is categorised along with people like Jimmy Page who IS a musician! Why is Britney Spears famous anyway? She doesn't write her own music, she can't sing and she isn't the most beautiful person in the world. And yet many brilliant musicians aren't given any notice! I am yet to hear The Mars Volta on the radio!

Have any of you ever noticed that Pop singers are ALWAYS coming out with new "Music." I'm sure there have been 2 new Rihanna songs in the last month and yet I haven't heard a new Raconteurs song this week or for the last 3 years for that matter. Do you know why that is? It's because pop doesn't last! For example, when was the last time you heard people talking about that Jason Derulo song "Whatcha  Say." I assume a couple months! However when it came out, it was being played ALL the time and no-one would shut up about it! I remember hearing it blaring from every other phone at school! And now it has been almost forgotten. Now do you think that in 20 years time people will still be talking about that song? No. People WILL forget it almost entirely. But 40 odd years later, I'm still listening to Led Zeppelin and I don't intend to stop! And hell, even American Idiot which came out in 2004 will still be listened to in 40 years time.

However there are also some timeless classics that aren't known about! For example, The Mars Volta! One of the best bands of all time! Possibly best musically. And yet I have NEVER hear Circatriz ESP on the radio! But why not? I have heard "Hit Me Baby One More Time" on the radio. I have heard "Whatcha Say" on the radio! So why not play good music on commercial radio? Kids these days listen to what's on the radio and what's on MTV. Very rarely do they have any other influences in their music choices. And because they listen to what they are given by MTV and the radio, they get desensitised to how shitty it is and they start to ENJOY IT! And so record companies and Music broadcasters think, well this is what the kids like so lets give it to'em!

But I am certain that if Zeppelin and The Mars Volta were played on the radio or on MTV, that's what Pop Music would sound like! They don't follow what they like, they follow what they're told to like and thus they are tricked into liking it. But have no fear! I have a solution!

Give me control of the radio stations and record companies! I will release music that will last, it will get more radio play and it will be more enjoyable for everyone. Sure at first some people won't like it but in 10 or so years everyone will like it! Therefore solving world peace! And as a plus, because the music will last, record sales will increase because music will be bought for longer periods. This will give more money to the record companies and revive the music industry!

And finally, back to my initial point. We will need a new word, or atleast we can rehash an old word. MUSICMAKERS will be the ones that me and my board of shadowy figures in the boardroom of our highrise building say are bad. And MUSICIANS will be the ones who can stay!

Problem. Solved.

This has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by Xtian Zzyzx


  1. You're South African! (Sorry, didn't see it in your sidebar at first). I knew there was a reason I was enjoying your reviews so much. Welcome to Blogcritics.

  2. Glad to see a fellow South African :). Thanks for the support


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